When I was about to go in to my last year of college, my boyfriend broke up with me, and I completely deserved it. I had been a huge ass to him and manipulated him like crazy. After spending days crying on the floor after realizing what I had done, I picked myself up and decided to make a massive change and try everything he had wanted me to try when we were together. I had been the kind of asshole who literally never did anything my boyfriend wanted to do, so I thought it would be a good way to start being a better person, even if I was alone.
I convinced my teachers to let me study abroad, which is usually not allowed during senior year since that’s when we work on our thesis, and ran off to Singapore. My boyfriend had always loved travel and I hadn’t been interested before. To make a long story short, I ended up on the complete opposite side of the world with a crazy teacher who told me to do my thesis on “love.” My crazy teacher was one of those people who can see what people need, and she knew I needed to understand love.
As part of my research, I ended up studying the relationship between men and women extensively. I realized quite quickly that we as women have no idea what the world needs from us. We spend so much time killing our souls, not understanding who we are, ignoring our gifts and our deepest desires… I looked at my life and realized most people I know are dying on the inside.
I don’t want to die, so I decided to change things. I went back to my research and started applying it. I changed myself and by the time I went back to the United States I was a different person. I finally felt like myself.
Oh, and that boyfriend that kick started the whole thing? He’s my husband now. Turns out he likes me a lot when I’m not being a constant dick to him.
My story has a happy ending, but I know too many business owners who haven’t gotten to theirs yet. I want to help them. No more getting stuck in dead end relationships, no more hiding from the world, no more feeling angry and exhausted constantly, no more questioning whether or not they are really the best person for the job, no more wondering if you really are special.
Looking back, it’s easy for me to see that part of my problem was that I completely lost myself in my profession.What I didn’t mention in my story:
- I was running the marketing department of a non-profit company in addition to being a full-time student.
- I had almost completely dropped my social life so that I could run said marketing department.
- I was working toward a degree in graphic design. I was in a position where I needed to be creative for 60+ hours a week.
- My now-husband took a night shift job in order to make money for us, so I stopped seeing him as much. I had been using him to help myself relax for years at this point, so I just turned into a giant stress ball.
And even after I started my business and was traveling the world with my husband, we STILL had regular. It felt like I was stuck in a hamster wheel.
It wasn’t until I had a full blown mental breakdown in Bali that I realized I was doing the exact same thing I had in college: 12 hour days, ignoring the love of my life, and completely forgetting how to relax.
We need balance. I needed balance. So I changed my system.I now REQUIRE my clients to have three different goals in motion at all times:
- Personal
- Relational
- Professional
They’re not allowed to drop the ball on any of them at any time.
Sound scary? Guess what: that means this is probably exactly what you need in your life.
The idea of having a well rounded life shouldn’t be so intimidating. You can absolutely stop the cycle of self destruction that comes with ignoring parts of your life. We’re human. We have things we want to accomplish while we’re on this planet, sure, but we also have a body to take care of and other people to interact with.
And you know what the funny thing is? When you treat both your business and the rest of your life with the same level of respect and dedication, your business will ALWAYS grow faster.
Here’s what you can do to start:
Each day make a list of 3-5 things that you want to accomplish. No more than that. At least one of those things has to be working toward your personal or relational goal. You can alternate between the two.
Aim to go for a 10 days without missing a day, and then look back at your progress.
I guarantee that by the end of the exercise you’ll look back on the last ten days and find them to be both incredibly productive AND fulfilling you’ve had in months.